arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
