I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We left the knife in your bed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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