I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
