I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
