Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
