Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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