the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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