i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
