If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
