You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This is the high leading the old right now
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
