If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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