in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
