Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
