look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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