Your face is a jimmy john
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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