I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
