I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
