...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
