If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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