Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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