I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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