Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
