and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
