i already hear my dad disowning me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
