Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
