You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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