Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My vagina is officially offended.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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