So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
