we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
