She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
