I am puke
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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