New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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