He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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