If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
