I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
