woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
