At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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