Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize