It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
