Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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