just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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