OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
