What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
