I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
