My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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