The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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