if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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