Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
