We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
