that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
