it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
