You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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