i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
