I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize