Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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