They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
