That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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