Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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