It's like God shit irony all over that family
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
50% drunk capacity currently
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
