the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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