Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
