apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
