I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize