saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
