apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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