Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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